it’s been a minute since my last post. more accurately, it’s been a year and a half. that’s the thing about time: it’s either moving too quick or too slow; we either have too much, or too little. time looks very different to someone in palliative care, versus a twelve year old girl who can’t wait to be a teenager. it’s not so much the number of days or hours that have or haven’t passed, it’s our feelings about it. and most of us have been wired to believe that time is lacking.
“I really want to _________________, but I don’t have time.”
what if I suggested to you that it’s not about how much time you have, it’s how you’re using it. spoiler alert: you most likely feel the happiest when you are using the time that you have in a way that reflects what you truly believe.
a question you might ask yourself is: what is the impact of what I’m choosing to do right now? I’m guessing most of us would agree that choosing to play a game with your child is going to have a positive impact on your connection and relationship; whereas, choosing to scroll your Instagram feed or watch another episode on Netflix, won’t. but let’s look at the scenario where you’re feeling exhausted and depleted and what you really want is some time alone with a cup of tea and your favourite show. in the same scenario of playing with your child or watching Netflix, what are you choosing? your beliefs around the impact of taking time for yourself will inform this choice. it’s what you make ‘taking time for yourself’ mean.
feeling exhausted and depleted is a pretty reliable signal that we’ve been too relaxed with our boundaries. sure, we can choose to power through: but always to our detriment. not only does our belief about time dictate how we spend it, it also affects the way we hold boundaries. setting and holding boundaries is prioritizing yourself.
I’ve included some prompts below which I have found helpful in getting clear on my own beliefs about prioritizing myself. remember, our belief systems are formed subconsciously by our relationships and experiences, and they are entirely based on feelings, not facts.
as a child, how did I feel when my parents took time for themselves instead of spending time with me?
what is my reaction when I see other people prioritizing themselves?
what does the word ‘selfish’ mean to me?
what does the word ‘selfless’ mean to me?
how do I feel when I say ‘no’ to someone?
once you begin to understand your beliefs about prioritizing yourself, you find out whether or not you have a limiting belief around time. luckily, we can change our belief systems. the easiest way I have found to change a limiting belief around time is to prove it false. if I catch myself saying “I didn’t have time”, I think about the things I chose to prioritize instead. that often leads to the realization that the time was available to me, I just didn’t treat it as a ‘non-negotiable’. as we start to rewire this belief system, it becomes clear that having enough time is an effect of having clear boundaries.
believe it,
xo
if you would like support in exploring your belief systems or want to connect on anything else, please reach out!